Elvis, Buddy Holly, Jimi Hendrix, Otis Redding, Eddie Cochran, Sam Cooke, John Lennon, George Harrison, Janis Joplin, Steve Marriott, Sandy Denny, Jerry Garcia, Michael Jackson, Richie Valens, Duane Allman, Frank Zappa, Patsy Cline, Randy Rhodes, Marvin Gaye, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Jim Morrison, Carl and Dennis Wilson, Freddie Mercury, Brian Jones, Bo Diddley, John Entwistle, Marc Bolan, Tommy Bolin, Muddy Waters, Ronnie Dio, Karen Carpenter, Richard Manuel, Captain Beefheart, Cliff Burton, Johnny Cash, June Carter, D. Boon, Levon Helm, Lux Interior, Amy Winehouse, Rick Danko, Johnny, Joey, Dee Dee, & Tommy, Screamin’ Jay Hawkins, Jack Bruce, Ronnie Van Zant, Jeffrey Lee Pierce, Johnny Winter, Paul Kantner, James Brown, Cass Elliott, Lou Reed, Lemmy, Bowie…

All the best rock stars are boarding the Celestial Arc bound for a much cooler world. I picture it as a cozy, robust music scene, with lots of small clubs that have impeccable sound and no cover. All beer is $1 a pint.

The deceased would form fleeting new bands in confounding configurations, like Nico, Hendrix, Phil Lynott, and John Bonham, who are still working on a name.

And I would be a ghostwriter for the local rock rag, forever making picks for this weekend’s shows.

Friday

Tick Tock Toreador @ The Bottomless Pit

Could be your last chance to catch this super-nova super-group before their tour of eastern afterlives begins next week. Who would have thought David Bowie and Bon Scott could harmonize in such delirious blue-eyed soul fashion? Link Wray’s thoroughly nasty guitar and Philthy Animal Taylor’s demonic drums, however, expertly undermine that heavenly blend.

Pigs & Smith @ The Flooded Basement

I don’t recall if Elliott Smith and Tom “Pig Champion” Roberts, ever jammed back in the day, but their gritty, hard-rocking folk, lustily accompanied by the bluesy crooning of keyboardist Ron “Pigpen” McKernan, is a constant thrill on this side of the River Styx.

Saturday

By George @ The Stinky Shack

It seems like an eternity since I’ve seen Lowell George fronting a new band, and while his trio, By George, looks good on paper, it remains to be seen if the former Little Feat singer can inspire bassist Jaco Pastorius and drummer Keith Moon to mind their manners in support of his wistful honky tonk narratives. Oh, wait. This is rock ‘n’ roll heaven; of course it will be a revelation. See you there!

Hangovers don’t exist, there are only good trips, and the food is constantly evolving for the better—and shockingly low in calories.

I don’t think that’s asking too much.